IS THE GREAT WALL REALLY THAT GREAT??

YES. YES IT IS. But more on that in a bit. First I will tell you about my ultrasound.

As I mentioned in my last post, we need a health exam for our work visas and when we tried to go our first week of classes, the doctor's office was closed because of dragon boats. So the next week, we arrived again at the clinic and followed the welcoming "Medical Examination for Aliens" sign to a desk where we got our instructions: a form with a list of 7 or 8 stations and room numbers. Our task was to visit each of the stations and collect signatures confirming we'd done all the things. A scavenger hunt! Sort of.

The problem is I don't speak much hospital Chinese. Complex medical terminology such as "lie down," "open your mouth," "take off your shoes" are not in my repertoire, aural or oral. And it turns out, your command of the language seems to determine whether you feel in control of your medical care and or, well, like an alien. With very few pertinent words at my disposal, my only option was to present myself at each station and then brace for impact.

So yeah first I got an ultrasound. I don't appear to be pregnant. I don't know what else one gets an ultrasound for so I can't speak to the presence of other ailments as found/ruled out by this test. I really wanted to yell IS IT A GIRL??? but I decided at the last second that my humor would likely go unappreciated. Then I got a full body x-ray. I think. In the next room, terrifyingly mislabeled SURGERY, a guy touched my neck a lot. I have no idea what he was looking for, and my neck is extremely ticklish, so you can guess how that went. And 25 seconds after walking into the EKG room, I was lying on a bed, covered in suction cups. That was honestly one of the strangest moments of my life. I hope I passed all the tests, and maybe when I get my results, I’ll figure out what the neck thing was all about.

To avoid situations like this, I should just learn to speak Chinese already, right?! BUT. TONES. Ok, I'll make a confession: I used to think that Chinese tones were like good table manners: everyone expects you to use them and maybe sneers at you if you don’t, but in a pinch you can get along without them.

NOT TRUE.

Tones are the difference between “I like to play ball” and “I like big balls.” They are the difference between the verb “to be” and the number 10. They are the difference between a cab driver gaping at you, shaking his head, and leaving you on the side of the road and a cab driver opening his door, letting you into his car, and driving you to your home. In other words WITHOUT THE RIGHT TONES NO ONE WILL HAVE ANY EARTHLY IDEA WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. And I rarely have the right tones.

But there have been a few minor successes. I know about that cab driver thing, because I lived both scenarios. Meaning that, YES, the second time, I said something that got us to our home!!! I spoke Chinese!!! There is hope!!! (I said one word: dongwuyuan. It means zoo).

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Let me paint you a picture. You are sitting on the Great Wall of China, about to dig into the lunch that you have been hoofing up and down battlements for several hours. You pull out the chocolate croissant you were delighted to find last night at the shop next to your school. You bite into it, waiting for the sweet, creamy chocolate to hit your taste buds. But, hang on, something is wrong—the chocolate isn’t really that sweet, and, worse, it’s sort of crumbly but also chewy. What in god’s name is happening??

You, my friend, have just been Red Beaned. And trust me, it has happened to the best of us.

Turns out red bean is a very common filling-type ingredient around here. And it’s pretty sneaky. You can find it spring rolls when you're expecting pork, in popsicles when you're expecting strawberry, and, yes, in croissants when you're expecting chocolate. Poor red bean has a pretty raw deal—it’s not bad tasting! You're just always looking for something else! (This problem can be filed under the “Not a problem when I read Chinese” heading, along with, you know, most things.)

The only other thing I have to say about food here is that it is both delicious and extremely inexpensive. Tonight, Hayley and I bought ourselves a full restaurant meal for a grand total of 32 kuai, or about 5 dollars and 4 cents. Ice cream bars on the street can run anywhere from 16 to 60 cents (this is a pretty big problem, actually, as I’m learning that stinginess and not health-consciousness is all that’s been keeping me from eating a hundred ice cream bars a day). Cold milk tea is 63 cents! FOOD HEAVEN. THAT IS WHERE I LIVE.

Also, via pointing at menus with photographs, I’ve found this sweet, spicy chicken dish (for various reasons I have unvegetarianed for my China stay, with all intentions of starting back up again after) with scallions and peanuts and huge slices of hot pepper. I love it. It’s amazing. I felt pretty legit for a while: I’ve found this authentic Chinese dish all on my own! I have a culinary identity here! I win Chinese food! That’s until I found out what it’s called: Gong bao ji ding. Yep. The authentic, unique Chinese dish I have fallen in love with is Kung Pao Chicken.

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Things can be frustrating here, but China threw me a bone that could have made up for a hospital full of surprise EKGs and a bakery full of red bean croissants. And that bone was called Last Saturday. Because last Saturday 1) We went to the Great Wall and 2) It was sunny.

Clear, sunny days are rare around here (and rarer still in Changsha, so I hear), but it’s almost worth the scarcity for the overwhelming joy I feel when the sun finally does come out. After two weeks of cloud and smog, I was pretty much beside myself with happiness when I stepped outside into a world of crisp shadows and warm light and BLUE SKY. My Chinese vocabulary didn't seem up to expressing the depth of my feelings, so I mostly just pointed to the sky and made wordless happy noises.

And the Great Wall itself is stunning. With most historical-destination-monument-building types, you get there, you look at it for a while, maybe you can check out the inside or climb on top of it, and then you’re pretty much done. Not so with the Great Wall. You can walk along it for hours, so you have an activity, AND you are seeing it from a new angle with every step-- new segments of the wall curl out from the mountain as you go. And you don’t have choose between seeing it and standing on top of it—the best view of the wall is from the wall itself! Plus there is a lot of cool history, none of which I know. YET.

More reasons I think Great Wall is awesome:

1) The mountains are breathtaking, and you are standing right there in them.

2) You can buy these killer coconutty popsicles right there. On the wall.

3) You get exercise!! But for real, and without even meaning to!! 

4) Also visiting the wall are groups of Italian tourists speaking Italian (I am who I am)

So, yes, as my mother commented, I cannot get over the Great Wall. And, as my brother responded, that was kind of the point.